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What are unhealthy boundaries?

What are unhealthy boundaries?

This article describes the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.

Our physical, mental, and emotional health all demand healthy boundaries. Boundaries are guidelines or limits for how we assert our own needs and wants, as well as for how we allow others to interact with us. Boundaries are not just limits on what is unacceptable, but also guidance around what is acceptable. Although setting boundaries is crucial in forming and maintaining successful relationships, many of us struggle to set healthy boundaries consistently.

Differences Between Healthy and Unhealthy Boundaries

Boundaries are the physical and emotional limits that allow us to feel trust and respect. They encompass our need for privacy, personal space, touch, and sexual contact, as well as the relationship between our feelings and the feelings of others. Healthy boundaries often look different for each person, and even with each relationship. 

Unhealthy boundaries may be a sign that you are struggling with your own wellbeing. Maybe you are living in misalignment with your values. Or you aren't clear on your values. They may also mean you are struggling with low self-esteem. Unhealthy boundaries can fall into one of two categories: harsh or lenient. Each can be damaging in relationships. 

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Indicators of Harsh Boundaries

Harsh boundaries place limits on relationships. Key indicators are the avoidance of intimacy and the inability to share vulnerability. Harsh boundaries may be a result of trauma and a means of protection, but they can make it hard to get close to someone. Harsh boundaries can also make it difficult to ask for help, even if you need it.

Indicators of Lenient Boundaries

Signs of lenient boundaries include trying to please everyone around you and not prioritizing yourself. This can manifest in accepting things you don't want, feeling guilty for saying no, falling quickly for someone you don't know enough about. Lenient boundaries may also involve over-sharing personal information. Lenient boundaries make it difficult to say ‘no’ and lead to accepting abuse or disrespect in a relationship, both physically and emotionally. Lenient boundaries can be dangerous.

The boundaries we set not only determine how we interact with people but also how we allow others to treat us. Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries can be difficult, but it can be very rewarding and helps live a peaceful and meaningful life. If you're struggling with boundaries, it can be helpful to talk about it with a coach or therapist.

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This article has been medically reviewed by
Erin Hillers
Erin Hillers
Erin Hillers
Nurse Practitioner

Erin is a Nurse Practitioner with 8 years of experience in midwifery and women's health. She has spent the past 5 years specializing in the treatment of opioid and alcohol use disorders.

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